Review: There's no Sylvanian drama in sweet, soft-hitting Calico Critters: The Movie

If you're a Very Online Person like me, you might immediately think of the hilarious Sylvanian Drama videos when you see the Calico Critters (known as Sylvanian Families in their home nation of Japan). Those videos use the popular, adorable figurines to play out quickly-escalating soap opera scenarios, with lots of violence, romantic entanglements, and other scandalous developments. Those videos have been something of a thorn in the side of the actual company, since it's a very different vibe than the family-friendly actual article, but I think it has to be a net positive. For me, that's the primary reason I recognize the brand and feel an immediate fondness when I see them.

Calico Critters: The Movie is my first brush with the real deal, and I am supremely charmed. The film came out in Japan back in 2023 but just got its digital release here last week, complete with a wonderful English dub (which, at least on Prime, is the only available language option). The cast of cute characters talk in lovely British accents, some quite proper, some a bit wild. (There's one character, Crème, who sounds like a genuine menace despite being a little cutie pie.)

This is very much a movie for kids, but I found myself thoroughly delighted throughout the film's various chapters, which play like distinct episodes tied loosely by an overarching thread. We're told at the top of the film Sylvania is the most wonderful place in the world, and populated by the kindest people in the world. Which seems abundantly true, although the people are animals. The town is nestled in a landscape of beautiful hills and forests where nothing ever seems to go too wrong. And even when something does (such as a loud blast from a makeshift instrument causing every mirror and window in town to shatter), no one really cares. Life goes on, and life is good, and we're all cute fuzzy animals living in the most perfect place in the world. We can fix all the windows tomorrow!

Our main character is a bunny named Freya Chocolate. Yes, it is the best surname of all time. I do wish to be adopted by this family so I, too, can be named Chocolate. She and her family members all look like they had their white ears dipped in chocolate, which makes them all the cuter. I feel like I'm going to want to reiterate again and again throughout this review how stinking cute this movie is. Every time a new character appeared on screen, I just wanted to hug them/gobble them up. There's a little squirrel toddler who is one of the most precious creatures to ever grace my screen. The flocked texture of the characters (one of the toy line's defining features) is wonderfully rendered in the animation. You really end up just wanting to reach out and pet all these sweet little animal people.

Anyways, sorry, Freya. She's on a quest to find a gift for her mom's birthday, which happens to be the same day as a big festival in town. Freya's dad and her siblings already have their gifts planned out, which stresses our girl out. She has no idea what to get, and decides to look to her friends for help. So the movie kicks off, launching us into three chapters where Freya fumbles around trying to find the perfect gift.

First, she teams up with her squirrel friend Ralph to try to make a hat, since that's what Ralph's mom says she would want as a gift. This adventure leads to Freya and Ralph flying through the sky and crossing paths with a weirdly sexy wolf (?) named Bruce, a sailor who has returned to town to attend the upcoming festival. He knows his way around a rope. That's all I'll say.

Bruce is hot, right?

The second chapter is the one that involves the glass-shattering instrument. You see, Freya's mom plays saxophone, so a multi-horned apparatus seems like a good idea. After things go awry, Freya and her pals end up putting their incredible engineering genius into building this gorgeous, extremely complex rain-powered xylophone bucket contraption that genuinely blew my mind. Like, these kids are so smart. They should not be wasting away in this woodland town. They should be attending universities in far-off cities, putting their brains to more important use.

Finally, Freya is chosen as the judge in the town's tree contest, which I guess also coincides with the festival. Apparently, this is a great honor, and one Freya has wanted for a long time. She has to pick the best tree in town, and there are a lot of opinions to go around. This chapter involves a very sweet flashback of Freya's parents, and ties back nicely to one of the earlier adventures. It also involves Crème singing a song she wrote which is absolutely hysterical, and basically boils down to "I wrote the words to this song for you / And now I'm singing the words of that song." Actual comedic genius.

The whole shebang clocks in at just over an hour, and is so thoroughly gentle, quiet, and cute that you could plop any kid down in front of it without having to worry about over-stimulation or adding to the general state of ADHD that seems to fuel a lot of modern children's media. It's a lovely little movie, a soft-hitting adventure that will make you smile. And make you wish that Crème's song were on music streaming platforms (your move, Apple Music).