Over the Hedge meets Unstoppable in Viva Kids' latest family-friendly adventure, the bluntly-titled Pets on a Train (can you guess what it's about?). Released internationally as the more evocative (but too evocative for American audiences) Falcon Express, this caper is the bread-and-butter of the Viva Kids brand. It's a nice-looking, down-the-middle bit of entertainment, produced internationally but now with a solid English dub, that will likely become an obscure nostalgic touchstone for kids who see it at the right impressionable age. I love the niche that Viva Kids fills in the animation landscape here in the States.
This is a case of the title really saying it all. Falcon (or Maurice, but please call him Falcon) is a wily raccoon who's a sort of Robin Hood for the other animals in the city. He plumbs the depths of public garbage cans, robs hot dog carts, and rounds up other sources of food, which he then disperses to his less adventurous friends and neighbors. He's cunning, kind, a bit of a rascal. A perfect hero for a story such as this.
Fun fact: Pets on a Train is a Christmas movie! (I assume it'll get a digital release in time for the holidays.) Wanting to make the holiday special for everyone, Falcon joins forces with the shadowy badger Hans to plan his greatest heist yet: robbing a train of its massive food supplies to ensure a fitting feast. Things are going to plan until they aren't. Hans (like Gruber) has his own agenda, getting all of the humans off the train from his remote command center, but leaving all the animals in the pet car onboard as he sends the train barreling along the tracks. Danger ensues!
So, Falcon joins up with the fourteen (!) other animals on the train to try to get to safety. First up: they need to detach the train cars at the halfway point so it doesn't cause a bridge along the way to collapse. Then: get to the front of the train to pull the brake before a massive crash. They know all of this because of an adorable kitten named Maggie, whose frequent travels make her an expert in engineering, logistics, etc. She delivers the news in an upbeat, matter-of-fact manner, even when casually mentioning that they might all die (whis happens multiple times, to great comedic effect).
They structure works well. The animals have clear goals. The stakes are in place. There are moments of danger. But there are some definite pacing issues to be found.
One of the (literal) biggest problems is the size of the cast. Like I said, the core group consists of fifteen animals, which is a lot of characters to track. They're introduced in rapid succession, each with a defining key trait, which means you have a feel for them pretty quickly. The chihuahua has anxiety from social media exposure. The parrot is nervous and can't fly. The rabbits are hippies. The hamster is a musician who misses his dead wife (yes, really). It's a colorful cast of characters who all get moments to shine, but who also often get lost in the shuffle. This means the action set-pieces end up being spaced out, because we have to watch every single animal make it through the burning car or whatever else. It takes time.
And then there are weird lulls where the animals are just walking along their way through cars, dealing with their micro sub-plots, not really facing much danger at all. The tension here is either at zero of one hundred. There's not much in between. At times, I was actually surprised at how intense this gets. Like obviously I knew none of the animals would die (spoiler alert), but they are really put through the wringer here!
Making the proceedings stranger is the shoe-horning in of some human characters, including Maggie's owner (also the owner of the most annoying voice in the movie) and a pair of news anchors who want the runaway train fiasco to end in tragedy so they can get a ratings boost. Every time we landed when these characters, I sighed. I'm here for pets on a train, not humans at a desk! It feels like filler, and kills the (barreling) momentum.
Of course, for the target audience, Pets on a Train is likely to hit exactly right. It's a bunch of cute animal characters being silly, facing their fears, and banding together to save the day. So it is exactly what's advertised. But if you're hoping for anything more, there isn't much to be found (aside from an intensely awesome song that plays over the end credits). Not a train crash, but certainly not the smoothest ride, either.
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